Impian-impian yang entah kapan akan menjadi kenyataan:

1. Bangun jam 6.45 tiap hari. Dan dengan demikian saya akan bisa mandi dan dandan dalam damai, bisa beresin tempat tidur sebelum pergi, bisa balikin semua aksesoris dan baju-baju yang ga jadi dipakai ke tempat yang seharusnya, trus berangkat jam 7.15. Nyampe di tempat duduk kantor jam 7.30 dan masih punya ekstra 30 menit untuk makan pagi dalam damai, nganggur-nganggur sebentar, dan bersaat teduh (weits :P) hahahha.

Dalam hidup saya yang sekarang, saya bangun karena denger weker jam 7.20, trus pencet snooze sampe kira-kira 7.30 ato 7.40, trus terpaksa bangun (sambil ngomel-ngomel kenapa kemaren tidur jam 12 dan bukan jam 11 ato jam 10 dan menyesal kenapa ngga minta ijin dateng jam 9 aja), mandi cepet-cepetan, dandan cepet-cepetan (dan masih harus membuang 10 menit saya yang berharga untuk bikin alis), ganti baju cepet-cepetan (walopun masih tetep aja bisa sempet-sempetnya ngaca dan ganti-ganti beberapa kali), lari ke depan buat cari ojek, ngomel-ngomel lagi kalo pas ojek yang biasa mangkal di depan kos kaga ada karena artinya saya harus telpon dan nunggu lagi, baru nyampe tempat duduk jam 8.20, udah harus buka kompie, cek email dan makan pagi sambil browsing-browsing email kerjaan. Haiz ...

2. Berolahraga secara rutin dengan frekuensi yang lebih sering. Sekarang juga rutin sih, rutin tiap 6 bulan sekali :P Beberapa taon terakhir ini sih ada aja something yang bikin saya harus berolahraga sedikit, acara kantor, jalan-jalan, ato berkelana mencari kos-kosan, tapi ya itu, adanya cuman tiap 6 bulan sekali.

3. Punya perut rata. Sejak pulang dari Korea, mengingat betapa banyaknya jumlah daging yang saya makan selama saya training di HK dan jalan-jalan di Korea, saya langsung memulai program diet dengan makan malam hanya sayuran, baru bertahan dua minggu, tampaknya akan segera gagal lagi hahaha, kemaren saya tidak kuat menahan godaan pengin makan sate dan akhirnya beli sate 10 biji (walopun tanpa lontong), trus hari ini saya kelaparan berat abis dari kantor dan akhirnya makan malam mie ayam, dan besok akan ada traktiran makan malam. Bye bye diet plan.

Smoke is rising from the houses
People burying their dead
I ask somebody what the time is
But time doesn't matter to them yet
People talking without speaking
Trying to take what they can get
I ask you if you remember
Prospekt how could I forget?
Drums!
Here it comes
Don't you wish that life could be as simple
As fish swimming round in a barrel when you've got the gun?
Oh and I run
Here it comes
We're just two little figures in a soup bowl
Trying to get behind some kind of control
But I wasn't one
But here am I on my own in a separate sky
And here I lie on my own in a separate sky

I don't wanna die on my own here tonight
And here I lie on my own in a separate sky

Prospekt's March/ Poppyfield - Coldplay

Bertanya-tanya dari mana si bapak-bapak Coldplay ini dapet ide sampe bisa bikin lagu dengan melodi dan lirik yang se-menyayat hati *dan se-addictive* ini?

Akhirnya saya sudah berhasil menunaikan tugas mulia bikinin video buat presentasi bos. Setelah berhari-hari frustasi mencoba memakai berbagai freeware dan free trial yang bisa didownload di internet, akhirnya hari Sabtu kemaren saya ke Ambassador untuk beli bajakan heheh.

Tapi ternyata software yang saya beli juga dudul punya, susah banget pakenya, user interfacenya sangat amat tidak intuitif, trus waktu saya sudah berhasil menemukan bagaimana cara convert itu file DVD ke AVI, hasilnya gak ada suaranya, sama aja boong huhuh.

Akhirnya hari Minggu saya ke Ambassador lagi dengan putus asa dan berniat mau menaruh itu 3 biji DVD ke tukang transfer aja, tapi ternyata setelah berputar-putar hilang selama kurang lebih 1 jam dan berhasil menemukan tukang transfer yang pertama, softwarenya dia lagi rusak jadi ngga bisa melayani transfer. Disarankanlah saya untuk ke tukang transfer satunya lagi, setelah saya nyampe ke situ, ternyata tukang transfernya tutup. Oiyoh.

Jadilah saya balik lagi ke toko software dan berusaha mencari software converter dan clipper yang lebih gampang. Untung mas-mas tokonya cukup kooperatif dan bahkan rela menunggui 20 menitan untuk supaya saya bisa nyoba dua software dan memastikan bahwa konversinya sukses. Dari dua yang dicoba akhirnya saya beli satu. Dan ternyata, gampang banget dipakenya!! Tau gitu dari minggu lalu juga saya beli software aja, daripada stress download software-software ga jelas dan mengabuse kompie saya dengan meng-install dan meng-uninstall berbagai macam hal ga jelas. Maafkan saya kompie.

Sejak pulang cuti dua minggu yang lalu saya telah dengan sukses berdiet dengan hanya makan sayuran untuk dinner (berdiet dan mengirit duit juga siy heheh). Semoga hasilnya akan segera terlihat dalam bentuk perut yang lebih rata.

Dan sebentar lagi saya akan cuti lagi, core leave 10 hari, plus 2 weekends, plus 2 public holiday, jadi total liburan adalah 16 hari. Sudah tidak sabar menanti.

Saya sebenarnya pengin membuat cerita perjalanan Korea, tapi terlalu malesh huhuh.

I am going nuts trying to cut and convert DVD. All the free open source softwares are too complicated, while none of the not-so-complicated ones is free and the free trial either gives only limited conversion or gives full conversion with watermark!! How can I give a video for my boss to present with a BIG "unregistered user can only convert video with watermark" written right in the middle of it. ^$*^%*&()*#@!

On a totally unrelated note, I am currently addicted to coldplay's viva la vida album.

All winter, we got carried
Oh way over on the rooftops let's get married.
All summer we just hurried
so come over, just be patient, and don't worry.
So come over, just be patient, and don't worry.

So come over, just be patient, and don't worry.

And don't worry.

Try.......
Try.......
Try.......

No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end;
I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge;
I don't wanna follow death and all his friends.

No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end;
I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge;
I don't wanna follow death and all his friends.

(Death and All His Friends - Coldplay)

Would like to:

* travel around Jakarta: visit all those museums, planetarium, ragunan zoo, and TMII.

* learn how to play guitar: I read that it would be best if I could have a way to express feelings so that I don't just dwell on my habit of over analyzing them. I need to transcend my feelings by expressing them and since direct verbal expression of such things is never my area of expertise, compromises need to be made.

* learn how to paint/ sketch: for the same reason as above.

* learn Korean: because Insa-dong and Nami Island are such beautiful sights to see, Seoul is such a nice place to be, and I am so going to migrate there someday :P

* take more pictures: because I love my Canon, whee...

* catch up with my to-read list: I have at least 5 books that I bought but have not read for months because I was too busy being a couch potato.

* stop running the imaginary race against the rest of the world: it's ok to not be the smartest person, to sound stupid, to have flaws, to not be able to do things, to not be able to please others (including one's parent), to offend people, to fail to live up to others' expectation, it's ok to have feelings and to show them to others (including to one's parent).

* seriously learn how to write: with the ultimate goal of publishing a book of essays on life (inspired by David Sedaris).

* go back to school: I wish God would grant me His miracle that I could just get a call from a university offering me a direct PhD scholarship ha ha ha, all those application stuffs is such a hassle :|

I have resolved to be happy :)

There were around 20 lanes inside. All lined up so nicely side by side. With the view of rows of white pins at the far end of each and the oval tables with racks underneath and colorful balls on it. At one corner, there were several white chairs, with purple flower pattern on it, arranged around a round table. We came in at around 3 pm, some of my other colleagues had already arrived by that time. It was crowded, which came as quite a surprise considering it was 3 o'clock on a weekday. We booked only 6 lanes, but most of the remaining lanes were used too. There were around 20 people in my group, some were super-good at it, most were counting on their luck, and one was hopelessly lousy (i.e. me) ha ha ha I think I got the lowest score out of everyone. I had fun though, just as I had resolved to the day before.

The rain has just stopped.

Just like when I woke up this morning, when I first opened my eyes to today.

My hand phone alarm went off at exactly 7.20. I heeded the noise and forced myself to wake up thinking about how I should have asked permission to my boss to come late to work today. The very thing I thought of every morning for the past 1 year and 4 months. My first thought for the day.

As always, with my hand phone in my hand, I decided against waking up and chose to press the snooze button instead. I slept for another 10 minutes. The alarm went off again and I switched it off, thinking that I could still steal another few minutes of sleep. Eventually I ended up sleeping for another 10 minutes and woke up at 7.40. My work starts at 8.00.

I got up, and went to take a shower. The water was quite cold, looked like the heater was not working properly again. I took a quick shower (as quick as I was capable of) and started putting on make ups. I put on my blush on and I put on my first smile for the day. Some more puffs of powder here and there and I got myself dressed. It was 8.05 according to my yellow clock. I changed several times, discarding several options and finally stormed out of my room at 8.15 with my bag in one hand and my laptop in another.

Outside, the weather was cool. Another girl who also rents a room in the same house as me was standing just outside the fence waiting for whoever was coming to pick her up. I called the ojek as usual, waited for a couple of minutes and then it came. The trip to the office was brief, and uneventful. There were lots of water puddles on the uneven road here and there. I got in the parking lot of my office, there was only one security guard at that time and there was no queue. The driver got the parking ticket, and dropped me off a few meters away from the back entrance of the building. I paid him, and walked in to the building. More security guards to do some checking on my bag, I went past the metal detector and up the stairs to the lift lobby. I pressed my floor number and waited. There were not that many people in the lobby and there was no one that I know: I was saved from the morning lift small talk. The lift door opened, I got in and up I went to the place where I was supposed to have been sitting in since 30 minutes before.

(I am currently reading an online course on descriptive writing, and this is my first attempt of applying it. I still suck at this, haiz)

No hope is ever wasted. Even when the thing we're hoping for never actually comes true, hope brings so much joy to this life that the time we spend just being hopeful is already more than enough to make up for the absent realization.

From: wisdom under the shower
(i.e. things I think about when taking a shower)

I am currently feeling rather blue, which explains the two posts in two consecutive days, and the super negative feel of this post.

At the time this very sentence is written, it's 11.18 pm according to my laptop. I have only 2 minutes left to stay awake if I want to sleep for 8 hours before I have to wake up for tomorrow. But I still got office stuff to do, sigh. No 8-hour beauty sleep for me today.

In less than 2 months I will have been working in my current job for 1.5 years, the much-anticipated end of the trainee period. By that time I will have stayed in this city for 3.5 years. Quite a long time. Had I sticked to my original plan and gone straight to school after school, I might have almost finished a PhD. When I first moved back to Indonesia, I thought that this was the road less taken for me, but eventually I ended up taking the road that almost everyone on earth has taken. Hmpfh.

I came back to Indonesia thinking that I was coming home. But as I have figured out, home is not necessarily the place where you speak the same language as everybody else, and if that is the case, I have no other idea as to what or where it actually is.

I have gotten tired of praying for things that still have not come true after such a long, long, long, time.

I should really pick up the phone, talk, and say all the necessary things. But instead, I write. How can someone who grew up in this very planet, be so out of place?

Office stuff is done. Nite world.

When even the thought of losing someone fails to scare you, it really is time to take a step back and see how far you have gone in alienating yourself from love. Loneliness does not always walk side by side with aloneness but most of the time it does.

When you have one, you almost always have the other.

When emotion has spoken, logic is rendered useless and will never be listened to.

He is indeed a fool, the one who plays it cool by making his world a little colder. But I guess a fool who does not know any better than to be who he is can, and should, be forgiven. But it always goes both ways, to want forgiveness is to forgive.